Getting your customers to use your self-service features is never easy. Sometimes even harder than getting people to try green eggs and ham.
*trrrrring* Hi there, I am Sam, Sam-I-am How may I be of service, mam?
Oh Sam, my print job’s stuck in queue and now I don't know what to do. Can you put me through to Paul? He always helps me when I call.
Well sorry miss, since recently, self-service first’s our policy. So would you log a call for me?
I would not like to log a call, I would not like that, not at all. I just want to speak to Paul.
Would you then fill out a form? You should, conforming to our latest norm.
I do not want to use a form, whether or not it is your norm. I do not want to log a call, I only want to speak to Paul.
Would you chat with our new bot? Your colleagues use that bot a lot.
I would not chat with your new bot and your new form, I will use not. I would not like to log a call. Can’t you put me through to Paul?
Would you? Could you? Ask a peer? You have some pretty clever peers out here.
Let me make it very clear: I would not, could not ask a peer. I would not chat with your new bot. And your new form, I will use not. I would not like to log a call. Why can’t I just talk to Paul?
Would you? Could you? Ask our cat?
No Sam-I-Am, I don't want that!
What if our cat would wear a hat?
I will not chat with your hatted cat! I would not, could not ask a peer. I would not chat with your new bot. And your new form, I will use not. I would not like to log a call. Can I please, please talk to Paul?
Would you search our knowledge base?
I don't know where to find that place!
Would you read our FAQs? Would you read our new how-to’s?
I do not want your FAQs! I would not use your new how-tos! I would much rather eat my shoes! I would not ask a peer or bot! And your new form, I will use not! I would not like to log a call! CAN’T YOU JUST PUT ME THROUGH TO PAUL?
Oh sorry! I forgot to say: Paul is on a holiday. You do not like our FAQs, you say. But try them, and perhaps you may! Try them and you may, I say!
Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see.
(... And she tries them ...)
Say! I followed the steps in your how-to and now my print job has gone through! Now I do, I do like your FAQs! I like your practical how-to’s! Next time I will ask a peer, one of the many clever peers in here! I might even ask your chatty bot and your new form, I'll use a lot! I will no longer call and ask for Paul, From now on I will log a call!